Hardly Hurts At All
by Saraid
Summary: It's Hermione's last year at Hogwarts and a few weeks before the end of term she's forced to make lifechanging decisions. Is she strong enough to make the right choice or will her pride make the choice for her? Rated M for the right reasons...
1. Could Things Get Any Worse?

**_A/N:_** This story was deleted. So to all my former, loyal, reviewers; Here it is again, a little bit better (hopefully) than last time! Enjoy!

**_Disclaimer:_** I do not, I repeat, do not own Harry Potter, or any other character for that matter. What I, on the other hand, _do_ own is copies of the HP books that have been published. Do _not_ confuse the two!

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**Chapter One**

**Could Things Get _Any_ Worse?**

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The rain was pounding against the window as Hermione woke up with the worst headache in the history of mankind. 

_Where the bloody hell am I?_

She opened her eyes slowly and looked around in the Gryffindor Common Room. Trying to figure out what she was doing there in the first place, she made an attempt to sit up, but had to lay back down as a burning pain shot through her body.

_Oh, dear Merlin! What's going on?_

After a few moments she got up, with a lot of effort, and headed for the shower. "Morning, 'Mione!" she looked at Ginny. "Where've you been?" Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "I woke up on the couch in the Common Room," she paused, "and I have no idea how I ended up there in the first place." She gave her friend a look as if she thought that she might be able to give her an answer. Ginny shook her head. "Sorry, 'Mione. The only thing I know is that you were not in your bed last night." Hermione rubbed her neck and tried to stand up right. The pain was almost too much to handle, but she didn't want to have to explain it to Ginny. Hell, she couldn't even explain it to herself! "Well, I'd better go shower before class." They smiled at each other and Ginny kissed Hermione on the cheek. "Ok. Enjoy!"

Hermione waited until Ginny was out of sight before she walked slowly into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She found a Headache Potion and poured it down her neck, knowing she didn't have anything for her body, she had to go and see Madame Pomfrey for that.

_I wish I had time to take a long bath, _she thought,_ because I could really use it right now._

She got into the shower and tried to remember yesterday. To her confusion and amazement, she couldn't.

_This is ridiculous! _

Angry with herself she turned off the shower and stepped out. "Accio towel!" the towel came flying at her and she dried herself up.

_Brilliant,_ she thought, _where's my bloody clothes?_

She raised her wand and flicked it again, "Accio clothes!" Once again, she felt the pain shoot through her and she screamed with annoyance before getting dressed and running off to class.

You can easily say that 'running' was a bit of an overstatement as she stumbled into the potions classroom, not exactly 'fashionably' late.

"Well, Miss Granger," she looked up and saw two black eyes belonging to that silky voice talking to her. "How nice of you to consider joining us today." He glared back at her, "Five points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger, on your behalf, for being late! Now, find your seat" Hermione couldn't move even if she wanted to. "What?" From the corner of her eye she could see Ron and Harry shaking their heads as if trying to warn her. "That's five more point, Miss Granger, for not following orders." Hermione walked slowly to her seat beside Ron and sat down before he took even more points from her House. "Sorry, professor." She mumbled, getting yet another glare. "What was that, Miss Granger?" Why was he so angry? "I said; I'm sorry, professor." She looked away as she said it. "Very well. Now, maybe we can move on?" He didn't wait for her answer, but simply told everybody to open their books on page four hundred and seventy-two. Ron turned to Hermione, "What's wrong, 'Mione?" she didn't answer and he elbowed her. "Stop it, Ron! I don't know!" she yelled and felt tears welling up in her eyes.

_Oh, the pain!_

As she wiped them away a man cast a shadow over her putting his hands on her desk. "Detention, Miss Granger. You'll be here at eight tonight." Hermione's jaw dropped. "You can't be serious? I never get detention!" He smirked at her and leaned closer. "Oh, I'm very serious, Miss Granger. And if you don't hold your tongue, for the rest of my class, I'll give you detention into oblivion." His face was now just millimetres from hers and she swallowed hard as she nodded. Carefully, not to touch him.

_For the love of Merlin! He's too close!_

He moved as soon as the thought appeared, just as if he was reading her mind. She shook her head almost unnoticeable and he continued were he left of. Things couldn't get any worse than this. Could they? As soon as these thoughts entered her mind, she knew it could be a hell of a lot worse, as another thought pierced her mind.

_Who is he and why can't I remember him?_

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_Please R&R! The button below is your friend! ;)_


	2. Abscento Memoriam

**_Disclaimer:_** I _still _don't own Harry Potter. I'd rather own Alan Rickman... 'taking a bow'

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**Chapter Two**

**Abscento Memoriam**

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Hermione was sitting in the library as the clock in the tower struck eight and she jumped at the sound of it. 

_I'm late!_

What was wrong with her today? Usually she was early for everything. Even detention! Whenever she had one, which was not _too_ often, really. She grabbed her books and tried to run out of the library, but had to walk. Knowing she'd be even later than she already was.

Ron passed her up on her way down to the dungeons. "I thought you had detention with Snape at eight?"

_Snape! Was that his name?_ she thought. _It had to be! Thank you, Ron._

She smiled at him. "Yes. And I'm really late. So if you don't mind, I have to go. Wish me luck!"

Ron rolled his eyes, "Yes. Good luck. You're really going to need it now!" As Ron went down another corridor, Hermione clenched her teeth and started running.

* * *

She reached the potions classroom ten minutes past eight and opened the door slowly. He wasn't there! 

_Oh, thank God!_ Without making any sound she reached her desk, sat down and opened her book.

"You're late, Miss Granger!" Hermione fell off her chair at the sound of his voice.

_How on earth does he know? He wasn't here a few moments ago!_

Either he saw the confusion in her eyes or he actually _was_ reading her mind. "I can assure you that I've been here all along, Miss Granger, and I don't tolerate your disrespect for me or my class!" The calm in his voice scared her and made her wish that he could scream and yell at her instead.

"But… I don't…" she felt the tears well up in her eyes. "Disrespect you…" she whispered as she looked away. "I just don't know you." She said under her breath, making him close his eyes for a few seconds. "Sure as hell you don't know me! I don't want any of my students to know me." He said, opening his eyes slowly. Hermione shook her head. "No, that's not what I…" he cut her off, "Quiet, Miss Granger! Now get up and start scrubbing those cauldrons!" He made a number out of turning away from her and she tried to get up without whimpering too much. She didn't succeed and he looked at her with all the disgust he could conjure. "What now, Miss Granger?" She gave up and let the tears run down her face, "I can't get up by myself! My body's been hurting all day, and I can't, in a million years, remember who you are!"

* * *

_By the love of Merlin! What's she talking about? The spell couldn't have affected her like that! _

Severus searched his mind for a possible answer. Was there a side effect to the Abscento Memoriam that he didn't know about? Some warning written in small print? Without any further thinking he reached out his hand, helping Hermione up off the floor. Her tiny, warm hand in his made him shiver and he pulled away, as if she burned him. "Now, get to work!"

He went into his personal library and quickly found the book he was looking for. _Now, show me the warning in small print. _He searched the index for the chapter on 'Abscento Memoriam' and found it. After a couple of minutes reading he gasped at what he found: 'When casting _Abscento Memoriam_, make sure that the receiver is not asleep or unconscious. This can result in total or partial memory loss. Not just absence of the event itself.'

_Oh, sweet Jesus, bastard son of Mary!_

Severus closed his eyes in realization and aggravation. She'd been asleep! There was a _flaw _in his practice! He'd done a terrible mistake! Was his age catching up with him? He screamed with annoyance and kicked a chair before walking back to Hermione. She was in severe pain, he could tell, and he wished that what she'd seen and what he'd done to her yesterday, never happened. He also wished he'd remember to remove her pain, and since he'd given all the potions for that to Madame Pomfrey, he couldn't do it now.

_Why do I even care? She's just a pain in my backside anyway!_

He tried to figure out how he could restore her memory without making her remember 'the event itself'. There'd been nothing in the book he could use, probably because there was no way it was possible. Except the truth, perhaps."Miss Granger?" She turned to face him, clenching her teeth in pain. "Yes, professor?" He motioned for her to sit on one of the student benches and she grabbed the edge of the cauldron pulling herself to an upright position. Severus waited until she was seated. "I'm going to clear up a few things." Hermione waited for him to continue and he sighed. "I can't tell you everything, because the truth shouldn't come out. Especially not to you. But I am, as you've figured out by now, your Potions professor. My name, is Severus Snape."

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_Weeeeheeee! Please R&R! And a special thanks goes out to my first reviewer; _Angelic Bladez- Broken And Twisted. ;) (before it was deleted). 


	3. Tell Me

**_Disclaimer:_** Somehow, don't ask me _why_, I do not own Harry Potter. The idea belongs to the fabulous J.K.Rowling. More power to her!

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**Chapter Three**

**Tell Me**

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_Severus Snape._ She tasted the name as she thought about it and concluded with...absolutely nothing. 

"No bells ringing so far." She looked at him with a timid smile, "Sorry, professor." He sighed. "No. I didn't think so, Miss Granger. But things happened yesterday that forced me to cast a spell on you, called Abscento Memoriam." Hermione's eyes shot fire bolts of anger. "You did _what_?" abruptly standing up as she screamed at him she had to lean over the students desk letting out yet another scream, this time in pain. "What did you do to me? Why am I in so much pain?" she dried her eyes with hands shaking. "I can't take it anymore."

Severus could barely hear the last one, but it made him cross the room and put his arms around her. Hermione stiffened, put her hands on his chest and forcefully pushed him away, once again crying in pain. It seemed like everything she did today hurt her in ways she couldn't explain, and the pain tiered her. She looked up in the confused face of her professor. "What are you doing?"

Her voice, revealing how tired she really was, sent shivers down his spine.

_She sounds just like she did yesterday._

Severus felt his inner walls braking down and an unknown feeling filled him up, making him grab hold of her again. "Don't push me away, Miss Granger." His voice was hoarse from the desire he felt and he cursed it in his silent mind. Hermione looked down on the hands holding her arms, "You're hurting me, professor!" she said, trying to writhe herself out of his firm hold which only made him tighten it. She whimpered. "Please, professor. Let me go!" His common sense finally returned with the pressure she put on that last word.

_What the bloody hell are you doing, Severus? _he thought to himself.

Suddenly he let go of her as if she was toxic. Well, she was to him. She intoxicated him with her hazel eyes, curly hair and endless knowledge. He needed time to think. "You're dismissed, Miss Granger! Now, get out of here!" Hermione shook her head slowly. "No. I'm not leaving until I get some answers!" her eyes stared into his with determination and he sighed tilting his head slightly backward. "Miss Granger! You're pushing your luck here! Watch your Housepoints!" She grabbed hold of his robes. "I don't care about the bloody Housepoints right now. But what I _do_ care about, on the other hand, is how this happened to me." She paused and let go of his robes. "You can take a thousand points from us, if it makes you feel any better, but I still want to know what you did to me!"

_For the love of everything Holy! She just doesn't give up!_

"Today is not a good day for this, Miss Granger. I need some time to think about it." Did he just say that out loud? "And that confirms it; I have absolutely no internal monologue!" he murmured as he turned to walk into his quarters and as he reached the door, he turned one last time, "Get out of my sight, Miss Granger! And stay there!" And with that he slammed the door in her face.

Hermione fisted her hands and let out a scream in agony. "Fine! Thank you for absolutely _nothing_!" she turned to leave as she heard his voice through the door, "Fifty points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger!" She decided not to answer as she grabbed her books and left for the Gryffindor Common Room, mumbling a silent "Bat-Rat" as she went out the door.

When she got there she found Ginny and Neville lip locked. "Wow! How did this get passed me?" she tried to suppress a laugh, but failed big time. Ginny jumped off Neville's lap and drew a hand through her hair, making Hermione laugh even harder. "Gin! It's ok. You deserve a bit of happiness. Both of you!" she said looking from Ginny to Neville. "Especially since professor Snape just took fifty points at my expense."

Ginny's jaw dropped and she glared at Hermione. "Why, exactly?" Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "I yelled at him. I was fed up with his attitude." If possible, Ginny's jaw dropped even further. "You _what_? Are you out of your bloody mind?" Looking at her friend, Hermione sighed. "I guess I am. I think I shall go to bed now before he takes even more points. I really hope he can't do so while I sleep, since he who sleeps does not sin." Ginny laughed. "Are you just about hundred on that, 'Mione?" she said, making Neville laugh with her."Yes, Hermione,do you know that you've been sleep walking every night for the last three years?" Hermione choked. "What? Tell me you're joking, Neville!" He got up and put his hand on her shoulder. "Yes, I'm joking. I wouldn't know if you were sleep walking, even if you came into the boy's dormitory with nothing on." He went over to Ginny, placed himself behind her and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend's waist. "Relax, Hermione, you're not sleep walking as far as I know." Hermione let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding and smiled. "Oh, well. I was just checking.Good night, you two." she said as she lifted her hand in a wave and went for the Head Girl's quarters.

When she finally got there she accidentally bumped into the Head Boy, being no one else but Draco Malfoy. Hermione sighed. "Malfoy." She said with a nod as she walked passed him and towards her room. "Filth." He answered under his breath but loud enough to make her swirl. "Will you let it _go_, already?" Draco grinned at her. "I know very well what you think of me, I don't need you to tell me _all_ the time." She said before he could respond. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going to bed. Good luck on your rounds."

Hermione turned her back on him to leave, but he grabbed hold of her arm, smacking his tongue. "Sorry, Granger, but I covered for you last night, so tonight it's your turn. Have fun!" he smirked and went into his own room, leaving Hermione glaring at his door. He was got to be kidding!

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_First, I want to thank my two, so far, brilliant reviewers! You make me want to keep writing and I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to read my story. And actually reviewing it when you were done. Lovely, guys!_

_Second, I want to ask everyone that reads all three chapters to please review. And feel free to give me some ideas as you do! ;) (this is also from before the story was deleted..)_


	4. The First Flashbacks

**_Disclaimer:_** I guess it has got through to everyone by now, that I do _not _own Harry Potter, and since J.K. didn't want to sell me the rights, I guess I never will. Can I still own Alan Rickman?

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**Chapter Four**

**The First Flashbacks**

_

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__Hold on! Covered for me? Draco? He knows something!_

She knocked on his door and opened it as he answered with 'Enter'. Her eyes fixed on his upper body as he was sitting on the bed with nothing on but his silk boxer.

_Oh, good Gods!_

"Sorry!" she said and covered her eyes, "But I just wondered what actually happened yesterday, that made you have to cover for me?" Draco laughed and fell back on the bed. "Bloody hell, Granger! Have you never seen a semi-naked guy before?" she abruptly removed her hand and glared at him. "For your information; _no_! But you didn't answer my question!" He raised his left eyebrow as he sat up, looking at her. "Really? You haven't? So you're telling me that you didn't end up with professor Snape in the dungeons last night?"

Hermione gasped. "What? Is this some kind of sick joke you're pulling on me?" she felt fear rushing through her veins. "Yeah, right!" Draco snorted as he reached for a book. "Shouldn't you be out on your rounds, Granger?" he glared at her, "And I really don't give a flying rat's arse about your love life. I want no part in it." Draco opened his book and, with that, silently told her to get out of his room. "Love life? What love life? Are you insinuating something, Malfoy?" Hermione dared Draco, with her eyes, to give her an answer, but he just looked at her with his signature smirk. Ah! She so wanted to strangle him. Right now! "Fine, Malfoy, but this conversation isn't over!" He gave her a surprised look. "Oh, but I say it is! If you want to know more, talk to Snape about it, will you? Now, get out!" Frustrated with the whole situation she left Draco's room and went to do her, oh, so hated, rounds.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Severus tried to twist his mind into finding a solution to his problem. Resulting in an even bigger problem; flashbacks from the night before. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger, trying to send the flashbacks way into oblivion, but failing severely. 

_He'd been summoned by the Dark Lord as he sat down to enjoy his supper in the Great Hall. Clenching his teeth and whispering an apology to Dumbledore, who by the way gave him an understanding look and nodded as in accept, he got up and left the Hogwarts Grounds. As he reached Voldemort's headquarters, he saw her. She was sitting on her knees with her head low. Thinking about it, he hadn't really seen her in the Great Hall that evening. This really explained things. Severus cleared his mind before walking over to his so called Master. _"My Lord."_ He said as he bent down to kiss Voldemort's robes. _"You called for me?"_ Voldemort hissed. _"Yes, Severus, I did."_ He motioned at the Granger-girl. _"See that fine piece of meat, Severus? If I'm not mistaken, she's in your potions class?"_ He grinned as Severus nodded. _"Good. I expect you to take her back to your sorry excuse for a school, as Lucius her has other things to attend to, and erase her memory of this evening."_ Severus turned and looked directly into Lucius Malfoy's face, wondering why he'd brought the girl there in the first place._ "If you don't mind me asking, my Lord, why is the Granger-girl here in the first place?"_ he said, turning to face the Dark Lord again. The snake-like creature smirked at him. _"Since you're the one bringing her back, it's only fair that you know." _He said, making Severus choke. Fair? The Dark Lord? Was the world about to crumble? _"She's one third of the Golden Trio, as is Potter. She could give me more information than any of you, sorry idiots!"_ Severus raised his eyebrows in amazement before turning back to look at the girl sitting in front of Malfoy's feet. _"Do you want me to take her back right away, my Lord?"_ he said, just wanting to leave as soon as possible. Severus picked up the girl at Voldemort's affirmative nod and apparated back to Hogwarts._

Severus pushed the thoughts as far back in his mind as he could before he got up to do his nightly rounds, hoping to find some Gryffindors, wandering about, out of their beds. He felt an enormous satisfaction at the thought of it and went searching for students roaming the corridors.

* * *

As Hermione reached the corridor containing the Transfiguration classroom, she leaned against the wall and slid down it, sitting herself on the cold stone floor. 

_I'm so tired…_ she thought as she let her eyes close. _I can't fall asleep now. I've got rounds to finish first. Then, I_ _can go to my bed instead of sitting here sleeping._

And with that last thought she drifted away to the Land of Dreams.

_When she opened her eyes she was in a dark room. Voices surrounding her as she tried to figure out where she was. Everything was a blur and it was too dark for her to see anything. Suddenly someone yelled 'crutio' and she fell to the ground with a loud scream. Fire. She felt like she was burning up from the inside and there was nothing she could do about it. Her heart raced and for a moment she couldn't breathe. The pain felt like forever and just as it eased, someone yelled 'crutio' again making her squirm like a maggot, trapped in water, on the floor. She heard herself scream again, a painfully long scream, bound to be heard by someone. But no one came to her rescue. _

_She didn't know how long she was under each crutio-spell, but after the…well, she lost count after the fifth one, she begged for him to kill her. Whoever he was, he'd reached the limit of what her mind could handle and what her body was capable to take. She prepared herself for another hit when she heard him draw his breath to speak. Nothing. She waited and when he spoke, he demanded her to tell him about Harry, or he'd continue to torture her. Why couldn't he just kill her? Right now, she wanted nothing else, but to die. And she couldn't betray Harry. She didn't want to betray him. Then, the crutio hit again. He was reading her mind! And then, she knew. It was no one else, but Voldemort. And with the discovery of who her torturer was, she also knew he wouldn't kill her before he got what he wanted. She also knew that she didn't stand a chance without her wand, and probably not with it either, but it was nowhere near her anyway. He probably wouldn't be that self-destructive. She whispered 'all right', and with that she resigned. _"I'm sorry, Harry!"_ she said, her voice hoarse from all the screaming. _

_She found herself talking about him. Giving away secrets of his weaknesses. Things no one else knew, but her and Ron. Knowing she couldn't hide anything from the Dark Lord, as he'd broke her down, tearing down her defences the worst possible way. Tears running down her face as she bowed her head in shame, waiting for the last spell to hit her. But it never came. _

Betraying Harry had broke her heart and she cried, slowly getting through, realizing it was just a dream, she opened her eyes only to see straight in to the black eyes of the Potions Master. "Miss Granger!" He'd put a hand on her shoulder as he lowered himself to see if she was ok. "Oh, for the love of Merlin! I must have drifted off!" she pulled away from him to stand on her feet, but fell down in front of him. "Ouch!" This day was just _too_ much! Snape shook his head before grabbing hold of her, dragging her to her feet. "You have to stop doing that, Miss Granger. Just ask for help next time." Her eyes fixed on his face. Why was he so nice all of a sudden? "Yes. I'll remember that. Thank you, professor." She trembled as he lifted his hand to wipe away her tears. "Why so sad, Miss Granger?" his eyes gazed into hers and made her knees give in, making her grab hold of his robes. "Sorry, professor!"

He swept her up and carried her down the hallway. "It's ok, but now you're coming with me. I'm not leaving you alone tonight." Draco's words came back to her and she fought to get down. "No! I'm not coming with you. How can I?" Snape halted and put her down. "What are you talking about?"

_What? No 'Miss Granger'? _

She frowned. "I'm talking about yesterday and the fact that people seem to know _more_ about my whereabouts last night, than I do! Isn't it true, professor, that I was in your dungeons last night?"

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_Finally, they let me upload this chapter. I think everything is corrected in the previous three, so sit back and enjoy as I continue to update. _

_By the way; you should all read the first three chapters again, as they may be altered a bit. ;) _


	5. Be Mine

**_Disclaimer:_** Someone told me that you're not allowed to keep slaves, or to purchase a human being for any other reason, so now I can't own Alan Rickman either, unless he's kind enough to _give_ himself to me. Which will probably never happen. Oh, and no, I don't own Harry Potter!

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**Chapter Five**

**Be Mine**

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Her hazel eyes filled with disgust as they pierced his. Severus sighed. "Yes. Who told you?" he looked at the beauty standing before him and saw her tremble with fury. It took a while, but when she finally answered him, it was through her teeth. "Well, Malfoy, if you must know, but I don't see what that has to do with anything." 

_Malfoy! Of course! He would know!_

"It has _everything _to do with it!" He picked her up again, ignoring her protests, and carried her down to his quarters, placing her in one of his comfy chairs in the library. With a flick of his wand he lit the fire to heat up the room. "Please tell me what Draco told you and then why you cried when I found you earlier, Miss Granger." He asked, realizing that commands would get him nowhere in this particular matter.

_I shouldn't really care why she cried… What's wrong with my head today?_

He listened patiently as she explained her dream and rounded off with her conversation with Draco. "So please, professor! Tell me what happened last night!" He saw the pain and confusion in her eyes and suppressed the sudden urge to hold her. "Well, Miss Granger, I can tell you this much; your dream is _very_ real." He tried to figure out a way to explain without scaring her more than necessary, realizing that it was probably too late anyway. "I was summoned after they finished with you, but I'm pretty sure they used the crutio-spell on you. As you saw in your dream." Hermione gasped. "I was… Voldemort…" she started hyperventilating and barely managed to press the words out. "Help… me… professor!"

Not able to control his emotions any longer, he sat down on his knees, on the floor in front of Hermione taking her in his arms. "Don't worry, love, I'm here." He held her for a little while, before lifting her up, seating himself in the chair placing her on his lap. To his satisfaction she curled up and clung to him. Even if it was in panic, he kind of liked it. Why, he didn't know, but it could be because someone seemed to need him for once in his life.

_You're getting soft, Severus._

He also thought that as long as no one else saw him, he couldn't really care less. He was simply going to enjoying the feel of another body close to his as long as he could.

Being so long since he had a woman, his body soon reacted to the young woman sitting on top of him and his desire overflowed. His right hand found its way to her left cheek, _so soft and delicate_, and she turned her head to look at him, her eyes revealing a passion that could only come from the panic she was probably still feeling. Severus didn't want to take advantage of her vulnerability, but there was little he could do to stop himself. Looking deep in her eyes, exposing his feelings to her with the risk of being pushed away, his lips met hers in a desperate kiss. Their tongues intertwined and he felt Hermione shiver as his fingers drew circles down the back of her neck.

_What are you doing to me, girl?_ he thought as she moved towards him and placed her knees on each side of him, sliding her arms around his neck.

Severus knew that if he should have any chance of breaking this off, he had to do it now.

_Good Gods!_ he thought as Hermione slid her fingers up the back of his neck and passionately grabbed his hair, wiping away the last bit of common sense from his mind with a sexy moan.

* * *

Hermione was overwhelmed by her desire towards her Potions professor and couldn't help herself when she started to pull his robes to get them off. 

_I want him. Oh, good Lords, how I want him!_ she thought as he lifted her up and carried her into his personal chambers and put her down on the bed without breaking the kiss.

Hermione never noticed their clothes disappearing, realizing with great amazement that, somehow, they did. Hence the hands and the cold air making her whole body shiver. His hand explored her body with a confidence that told her, she wasn't his first. Knowing that he'd be hers, and wanting it that way, she decided to give in to her desires.

She enjoyed the trail his fingers made and which his lips followed, letting her own hands wander, feeling his muscles tighten under her fingers. As her right hand reached down and grabbed the hardness of his erection she heard him gasp before grabbing her arms and pushing them over her head. "Careful, Miss Granger," he murmured, eyes locking on hers. "It's been a long time, and I want to make the most of this." He sneered. "Make it last."

* * *

Severus amused over the surprised look on the girls face and as she opened her mouth to say something, he quickly covered it with his. 

_Not this time, Granger. I don't want to hear it._

He didn't want anything to ruin this moment. He wanted to explore the young woman beneath him, taste her, make her come, make her scream his name as she did. Maybe he was asking too much on that last one, but he really wanted her to scream his name. No one ever had. He shook the thoughts off and concentrated on Hermione again, cupping one of her breasts in his hand and holding her wrists with the other, he bent down to suck her nipple. She squirmed beneath him and let out a moan, biting her bottom lip. "Don't…" he stiffened and looked at her. "…stop…" Severus grinned at this obvious statement of passion before lowering his head again. He let his fingers gently tickle her stomach as he slowly moved his hand downwards. Her breathing got heavier as she probably realized what he was about to do. Not wanting to stall it any longer, he slid one finger inside her warm, wet pussy, making her gasp loudly.

Letting go of her wrists, he moved down and used his tongue, trying to bring her as close to the edge as possible, before making her his own. He enjoyed the way she continuously made sounds of delight and when he noticed thatshe grabbed hold of his sheets and her body tightened under him, he stopped and moved up to kiss her. He parted her legs and placed himself between them, pushing carefully inside her. There was nothing! Hermione didn't seem to have any pain and although she was tight, there was nothing stopping him from entering her!

_Malfoy! You bastard!_

He looked into her eyes and saw the confusion there. Her eyes said it. Something wasn't right.

* * *

Hermione was confused. Why didn't she feel the pain everybody had told her about? She _knew_ that she had not given herself away to _anyone_! 

_That I…Oh, by the sweet mother of Merlin!_ her eyes widened._ Anyone that I know of!_

Once again her eyes found Severus' and she gave him a helpless look. Her professor shook his head almost unnoticeable, as if to comfort her, before kissing her thoughts away. At least she knew this thing could happen in several ways, not only by having sex. She relaxed and moved, following her lover's rhythm. Hermione never knew it could feel so good. So…right! She looked up at him as he drove her closer to a climax and dug her nails deep into his shoulders as she reached it, screaming his name.

After a while he laid down beside her and she looked at him. Her cheeks probably had a lovely pink colour, she thought, and with good reason. She'd screamed his name and utterly exposed herself to him.

_What mustn't he think of me now!_

She lowered her eyelids and turned her head, which only made him grab hold of her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Are you okay?" his eyes searched hers for the truth when she didn't answer. Once again making her weak and she felt a stinging sensation in her stomach. This wasn't just a heat-of-the-moment thing, not just her desperate need for comfort and protection. No, it was so much more. There were feelings involved, at least from her side, and the thought scared her.

_I love him!_

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_Hey, y'all! ;) Two chapters in the same day! Not bad, huh? 'lol' Push the Button, people! Remember, it's still your friend! ;)_


	6. And Again

**_Disclaimer:_** Do I look like I own Harry Potter? If I did I'd levitate! _Vingardium Levi'osa! _Nope. Nothing...

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**Chapter Six**

**And Again**

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He didn't want to see what he found in her eyes. It wasn't possible for her to have these kind of feelings for him, he wasn't exactly the most loveable person to roam the earth. He was the feared, black Bat of the Dungeons. No one could ever love him! 

_It's a misunderstood love. She think she loves me, because she's terrified. She needs to feel protected._ He concluded .

His mouth found hers again and he tasted her greedily. To his surprise, she answered with the same greed and placed herself on top of him. Where did all this courage come from? He knew she was brave, a Gryffindor-thing, but not this brave! He didn't think their bravery went as far as this, but he didn't complain, he simply just laid back and took whatever she could give him. Her breasts brushed against his chest and he could feel himself harden again.

_That's never happened before! More power to her!_ He thought, and let his hands stroke her back.

Severus let out a long moan as Hermione lowered herself onto his, now more than ready, erection and started to move in a slow, circular motion.

_She sure has guts!_ Severus thought and cupped her breasts in his hands, making her draw a breath.

"Oh, it's so good." She moaned and changed her rhythm, leaning a bit backwards. He felt the relieve make it's way through his body and he grabbed her waist, quickly placing her beneath him. He wanted to look at her as he came. She wrapped her arms around his neck and grabbed his hair. "Please…faster…deeper!" Severus sneered. "Feisty, are we?" he said as he gave her a fast, hard and deep thrust. "I didn't know you could be such a wildcat!"

And at the last word she froze and closed her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he looked at her putting a hand on her face, his thumb following her cheekbone. She turned away and her voice was calm, but tense as she spoke.

"Get off me."

_What the hell? Why is she doing this?_

"Miss Granger, look at me!" her eyes scared him when she did what she'd been told. There was something about them. Slowly he realized what it was. They were like glass. Dead. She was no longer with him.

_Where is she?_

"I said; get off!" she looked straight through him even if it looked like she was staring directly at him. Wanting to bring her back from whatever world she was in, and figure out what got her there in the first place, he tried to kiss her again. He quickly learned that it was probably the biggest mistake he'd ever made as she panicked and started struggling to get free. "Get off! Get off! Get off!" she screamed as she was, what seemed to be, fighting for her life.

_What the hell is going on?_

* * *

_She tried to get away from him. Fighting. Scratching her nails along the side of his face, an attempt to make him let go. She'd held her voice calm at first, trying to tell him that he didn't scare her. She failed. He knew what he did to her. How intimidating he was. And he used it for all it was worth. And he had said the words as he penetrated her. _"You feisty, little wildcat!"_ And she screamed. Again and again. Hoping it would make him stop. But it was no use. It only made him harder. He pulled out and slapped her in the face, grabbed her and made her lean against the wall, facing it. An arm around her waist, pulling her slightly out from the wall to give him more access, as he was thrusting her and pulling her head back by her hair. It was painful and she knew she was bleeding, but he didn't seem to care, or even notice. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and after what felt like a lifetime, he finally finished, making her put her tore-up clothes back on, before he grabbed her by the neck and escorted her out and into another room. From the corner of her eye, she saw him flicking his wand, before everything went dark._

She whimpered and like a miracle the pressure on her body lightened. With the last of her strength she pushed him away, got up and conjured her clothes and put them on while she ran up to the Head Girl's quarters, leaving a confused and probably angry Potions professor behind. Once she got to her room she cast a locking spell on her door and crawled up in bed, reaching for the bottle of 'Dreamless Sleep' on her nightstand and poured it down her neck.

What Severus didn't know was that his words had triggered her mind. She'd been back there, before her encounter with Voldemort, and it wasn't Severus she'd seen on top of her, it was Lucius Malfoy.

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_Come on, people! Please review! This story is no good for me if you guys don't like it!_


	7. Hermione's Last Day At Hogwarts

**_Disclaimer:_** Own Harry Potter? Me? Have you gone completely mental? Sod off! ;)

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**Chapter Seven**

**Hermione's Last Day At Hogwarts**

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The following week, her last one as a student at Hogwarts, she tried her best to avoid him, seeing as she didn't feel the need to explain what she now knew Lucius had done to her. The only reason why she had a small wish to see him, was to figure out how she could remember. Wasn't the Abscento Memoriam supposed to _erase _the memories? She decided to go to the library once she'd finished her Transfiguration Hexam. Maybe she could find something in the Restricted Section? 

As she left for the library, she ran into no other than Severus Snape. "Miss Granger." He nodded and she froze. "Professor." She boldly looked him in the eyes and saw… nothing. The words of a muggle-song came into her head and her heart ached.

_You are only all I dream of, and the only one I want. So why should I feel bad about it, know it hardly hurts at all..?_

She swallowed hard and pushed back the tears that threatened to humiliate her and carefully moved passed him. She still loved him. There was no doubt in her mind. She picked up the pace and started running down the hallway. He'd played with her. She'd been nothing but an object to his sheer desire. A simple toy, someone he could cast away, like garbage. She'd fooled herself, thinking it could be more. Instead she was once again the annoying know-it-all he cursed, and he was her professor. On top of that he was a pure-blood, Head of Slytherin House, and what was she? A mudblood! _And_ a Gryffindor! She'd been such a fool!

* * *

Once in the library she quickly found what she was looking for. A thick, brown-leathered book with golden inscription. 

'_Ministry of Magic – Spells for Advanced Witches & Wizards'_.

"Brilliant." she whispered, as she always did when in the Restricted Section. She had immense respect for this place, almost fear. Hermione followed the index with her finger, searching for the chapter on 'Abscento Memoriam', found it and started reading.

_"…but there is also a flaw to this Spell; it doesn't always last. If the receiver is female, and also a witch, she may be immune to the spell. No one really knows why, but there is a research-team trying to find explanations. In the meantime, be careful when casting this Spell, as all of the after effects is yet to be discovered. We know very little of this Spell, as no one knows who made it." _

Hermione gasped.

_Bloody bastard!_

He had done it deliberately! He _knew_ this could happen, and still he'd done it! She felt mixed emotions run through her veins, trying to decide how she felt, concluding with these four; aggravated, provoked, hurt and sad.

_Yes, that pretty much covers it…_ she thought as she put the book back in the shelf and walked out of the library.

No pain today. That potion she'd gotten from Madame Pomfrey a week ago, had really worked wonders. Making sure that no one could see her, she started swirling down the corridor, just for the pure fun of it.

_And because I **can**! _

_S_he giggled at the thought, stopped swirling and ran off to find Ginny. They needed to talk.

* * *

Ginny glared at her friend and her jaw dropped further and further as Hermione told her story. She couldn't believe whather friend hadbeen through these last weeks and how well she'd hidden it from everyone. 

"So, what you're saying, is that Malfoy senior had his way with you, took you to Voldemort, where you were forced to betray Harry, Snape erased your memories, with a slight side effect and you had sex with him. Now you're avoiding each other?" Hermione gave her an affirmative nod. "And you love him?" Hermione nodded again and Ginny sighed. "So, why don't you just go and talk to him?" she couldn't really figure out why Hermione was so obsessed with trying to avoid him. In Ginny's world, that didn't solve any problems, it only made them worse.

"I can't. He's been avoiding me, just as much as I have him, and he's silently making it very clear to me, that we're not meant for each other." Ginny shook her head, her heart ached for her bestfriend."Besides, he's my professor! It's totally wrong!" Ginny went over to Hermione and put her arms around her, giving her a comforting hug. "I love you, Gin."

She smiled. "And I love you, 'Mione."

* * *

The next morning she was woken by someone hammering on her door. "What?" she yelled, still in her bed. "It's me, 'Mione!" 

_Ron._

"Are you ok?" he sounded a bit worried. "Yes, Ron! I'm fine. I'll be down in the Common Room in thirty minutes. At the very latest!" Ron seemed happy with the answer and told her that him and Harry would meet her there and walk with her to the Great Hall. "Affirmative!" she yelled with a smile. "See you there!"

Hermione yawned and stretched before getting up. She went into the shower and let the hot water sooth her stressed out mind and soul. While standing there she thought about last weeks events. Remembering her own words uttered in Snape's bed. "Wow! I must've been out of my bloody mind!" she laughed, tried to put on her happy face, and finished her morning ritual.

_Thank Heavens, I'm leaving today!_

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_One more chapter to go, folks! Please, remeber that the button below still is your friend.! Submit your reviews today! And get one for free! Save money! ;)_


	8. She'll Never Know

**_Disclaimer:_** Thank goodness, I'm done... I was getting tired of this... I'm not even going to wite one! So, there...

_

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_

**Chapter Eight**

**She'll Never Know...**

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_Now, what to wear, what to wear?_

She looked in her closet for a few minutes before choosing a mocha skirt, above-the-knee length, and a sexy, but yet sophisticated, lime green top. Satisfied with her choice of clothes she flicked her wand, packing her belongings, and put on her light brown boots, almost the same colour as her skirt, that only went up to her mid-calves.

_I love high heels! They elongate my legs!_

Hermione smiled at her reflection in the mirror and went down to meet Ron and Harry.

* * *

"Wow, 'Mione!" Ron said as she entered the Common Room. Harry whistled at her. "You look absolutely stunning!" Hermione laughed. "Thanks, boys. Shall we?" she asked and took Ron's arm as he offered it. "Where've you been all year?" he said looking at her again. She chuckled. "Hibernating." 

Both the boys burst in to laughter as they entered the Great Hall, resulting in a glare from Snape. She tried to ignore him, but it was difficult. He looked angry.

_Can I blame him?_

The boys grabbed each of her hands and led her towards the Gryffindor table, taking her mind off the Potions professor.

"So, what are you doing this summer, 'Mione?" Ginny asked as they sat down. "I've got a job over the summer, at the Ministry of Defence." All her friends could probably hear how proud she felt and the statement resulted in loud applause. Hermione blushed and from the corner of her eye she could see professor Snape looking at them. To make the most of it she stood up and took her bow.

"Thank you, thank you!" she said loud enough for him to hear. "This means that, whatever you guys think, I'll _not_ be sitting at home reading every book in my bookshelves." She paused, her eyes swept over the small crowd containing her friends, before she chuckled. "I did that last summer." Her friends burst into laughter and she laughed with them as she sat down again.

Harry looked at her. "Tell us how you managed that?" he encouraged her and she looked at her friends with a smirk. "I roared, I rampaged, and I got bloody satisfaction! And then they gave me a job. They were too scared not to!" They laughed again and Hermione turned to Ginny. "So, Gin! Tell me about you and Neville? Are you official now?" she giggled. "Well, you are _now_ anyway!" Ginny blushed and studied her plate thoroughly. "Well…" she cleared her throat. "I guess we are now. Thanks to you." She looked up and smiled. "Thank you, Hermione. It was about bloody time, wasn't it?" Hermione gave her friend a hug. "Sorry, girl. I had to ask."

Ron interrupted them before they could say anything else. "What? Gin, I thought you were in love with Harry?" he looked chocked and Ginny turned to her brother. "My dear brother. Don't you know? Harry's seeing someone else!" If possible, Ron looked even more chocked and Gin sighed. "The whole school knows! Are you blind?" Ron turned to Harry. "B-b-but…" he stuttered. "Who?" Harry drew a hand through his hair before answering in a low voice. "Crabbe." Ron looked at Hermione and she looked back. "What?" they yelled in unison. "You've got to be joking?" Once again in unison. Harry shook his head. "Sorry. I thought you knew."

Hermione felt like hurling. "Since when, Harry?" she was disappointed in the fact that he hadn't told her. "Last year. After the Yule ball." Hermione closed her eyes. "Oh, goody!" she said sarcastically. "Have you gone completely mental?" she yelled, getting glares from everybody present. Her eyes shot fire. "He's…he's…" Harry lifted an eyebrow. "A guy?"

Hermione moped. "Uh… Yes! No!" she shook her head. "Harry! He's one of Malfoy's sidekicks! And he's a Slytherin! And didn't you hate him?" Harry nodded. "Yes. I _did_. But, believe it or not, he's actually quite sweet. And romantic." He smiled at Hermione's puzzled look. "I don't get it. But I hope you're happy." she said and Ron agreed. "I guess I should congratulate you, then?" Ron held his hand out and Harry took it, dragging him in to a grateful hug. "Thank you, Ron. You have no idea how much this means to me!" He let go of Ron and turned to Hermione, pulling her into a hug as well. "You too, Hermione! You're swell! My best friends. That's what you are." Hermione smiled. "You too, Harry. I love you both." She looked from Harry to Ron as she said it. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I have some things to attend to before we leave." She waved, tossed them a 'later', and left the Great Hall.

* * *

She'd walked slowly and with dignity out the door, but once she was outside she started running. She ran up to her bedroom, found a piece of parchment and sat down by her desk. It was difficult to find a way to begin the letter, but she had to try. 

_My dearest Severus_

She decided to use his name. 'Professor' just didn't seem appropriate anymore.

_First, I want to say that I know how you feel about me. I'm fully aware of the fact that you are not interested in me, other than as your toy that one night. Even if you haven't said it to my face, you've made it perfectly clear to me that you wish the whole action undone and that I disgust you. _

_Second, I'm going to ignore that fact and tell you what's on my mind anyway; I love you. I think I've loved you a long time, hence all the times I've tried to get detention with you. Pity about the House points, though. Anyway, I don't think I can bear to see you one more time before I leave, even if I want to, so I'm leaving early. I talked to Dumbledore about it, and he understands me, as he does. You know him._

_I must admit; it really feels like I had the time of my life this last year. It feels like a dream. Some of it was, of course, bad, but in the end most of it wasn't. _

_Well, I guess this is our final 'goodbye' as painful as it is. A part of me really wish things could be different. I'll keep a part of you with me and everywhere I go, there you'll be. I can't deny the passion for you, but I can try to hide it. And I know I should._

_Anyway, they say 'all hearts will heal in time', but I know this; mine will take a bow. I'll forever miss you like crazy._

_I love you._

_Yours always and forever,_

_Hermione_

She folded the letter, put it in an envelope and sealed it, grabbing her baggage as she went out the door. "Now I just have to put it somewhere he'll find it."

* * *

Severus was sitting in his usual seat at the Head table, his eyes darker than ever. In a strange way he felt down, though he really had no reason to. He'd shut her out, avoided her for over a week and tried his best not to let it affect him, but in the end his feelings grew stronger by the minute. He felt something growing in his throat and he got up, mumbling an excuse to Dumbledore as he left. 

He went down to his dungeons and as he opened the door leading in to the classroom he noticed it. Her scent was hanging in the air and he stared at the white envelope on his desk, his name glowing at him.

Wasn't that Hermione's handwriting? Somehow he'd reached his desk, he didn't know how, and he picked up the envelope, opened it carefully and took out the parchment, which it contained. He had to sit down as he read it.

_She's left!_

His thoughts wandered. She'd looked so beautiful today. So proud. So classy in that outfit. And she'd screamed his name.

She'd looked happy, although he thought it was just an act. She'd been smiling and laughing with her friends, who laughed at her funny jokes. And she'd screamed his name.

He'd been smiling at her jokes as well, he remembered. And now she was gone.

And then it hit him, with a force that took his breath away.

_I love her!_

But she was gone.

Now she'd never know…

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_Haha! This is what you get for not reviewing! A cliff-hanger! Will there be a sequal? It's up to you... Review, and I'll write one. The idea is there..._

_Until next time!_

_Saraid_


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